What about my feelings? What about respecting me? How is this a one way street??

Hump week

Wednesdays are hump days being in the middle of the week and all but this week has really felt like a hump week in whole. Still terribly behind for really no good reason and it sucks. 

Bad sleep. 

Bad week. 

Bad timing. 

Bad decisions. 

On the brighter side, celebrated porpor's bday today out. Kinda mixed in Dad (lunar) and Uncle C's bday as well. Happy times. Felt waay more festive than Cny/eve dinner was but maybe I'll get into that another time. 

Now, lets see if I can keep Bad sleep from turning into No sleep. 

you're not god. you don't get to play god. i can please her all you fucking want. i just hope that you don't screw her up like you did me. yeah, I'm selfish. but thats just because I've been taught to watch everything i own with my life becuase if i dont its gone. i can give her eveything she wants i just hope you're fine with having a carbon copy of me. fuck you. i can never be right in your eyes. i dont even know why i try.

Selfishness and Jealousy are two very vicious cycles.

Goodbye

There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn. And people we can't live without, but have to let go.

Breathe.
Accept.
Learn.
Let go.

06. 21. 2013
Lots and lots of love,
Chloe

Dysfunction

I'm convinced that a miniscule part of the definition of a family is dysfuntction. Maybe it's just my experience in life but it seems to always appear. Recently, I had the chance to look back and really realize that the waters had calmed tremendously from what they once were. Today, I sit here wishing things could stay calm forever. In the past year, I have witnessed probably the most smiles and happiness in one collective period of time. That's not to say there hasn't been the share of tears and commotion but more in comparison.

A big problem we have is our personal morales towards the family. Given the age gap, things were taught differently and coincidently we turned out differently. We took seperate things for granted, we listened to and respected different people, and we responded to and judged things differently.

I don't know where I want to go with this...hopefully, the answers to our problems will unravel themselves, fix themselves and judgment can be converted into happiness.

내가 길을 줘서 미안 해요.
미안 해요.

The night before hell week starts, literally minutes before the day of my first couple of finals I find myself pulled into a conversation (not so much) with my abuji that somehow but inevitably ends up being about me, the things I do and my future. Great timing like always. Exams start tomorrow and ...... "Don't fuck up your life now!" It's just great to have pressure on top of pressure ya know? Before, my mind was going, "fuckfuckfuckfuckity imsoscrewed" and now "FUCKITYFUCKMYLIFE".
Ugh how why am I such a mess?

I was already getting to that point today where I just felt so sick of studying which really sucks. Guess I'll make up for it by gunnin' through the night. No way I'm going to make it all the way but for the most part. Ugh. Truly scared for socio but saying that wont help anything.
~Toodles.

Music Therapy

Just some good songs to make my days a little better. Nothing else. Have been obsessing over a couple of ones I really fell for.

Pink ft Nate Ruess

Just Give Me a Reason

Baek Ji Young

Don't Forget

Went back to some really old amazing stuff couple days ago. 

Cascada

Everytime We Touch

Shakira

Hips Don't Lie

And just for kicks, no 90s child should live life without having watched this official mv ;) i've missed out!

S Club 7

S Club Party