Why do you have to be so damn defensive? I'm not trying to attack you. Calm your balls. It's not a friggin wrestling match. I don't understand why we can't have a decent conversation. Am I that irritable or something? Because according to you, someone else is always making excuses. What about you?? What makes you always right? I'd never want to say it out because I'm in denial myself but it times like these that really make me wish I made it out of here. It times like these where a part of me asks me what if I can't make it out? I really wish you were tolerable. Because you're supposed to be. Are my standards too high? I just want to understand. I want to live my life to the fullest. But how do I do that with people like you breaking down my neck??

Talking to the Moon

I know you're somewhere out there. Somewhere far away...
At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself talking to the moon. In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.

I miss you. And there are so many what ifs that factor where you and I would be right now unlike the present. But it makes me wonder you know. What would it be like if (1) (2) (3) were still right here, by my side ~relationship wise. 

(1) The better of the three. The better scenario. The better situation. But just not one that I like. Not something I really have say over.

(2) Burned bridges. That would be term wouldn't it? Unintentionally burned bridges. I guess the naive youngster took the better of me. And I don't know if I can make up for that now. Maybe I'm just scared. I really don't know. Doesn't stop me from feeling this way though.

(3) I really do hope that somewhere far far away, you can hear me. I hope that there is a possibility that you can see my intentions. That you're watching over me, Point me in the right way. Because if you can't, I don't know who can. I miss you. every tidbit that I do remember. 

I wonder how she does it. I wish I was as strong.

Why is my life like this? I feel like I'm stuck in the bottomless rut that high school threw me in. Is it just me and my high expectations? I'm stuck in a bubble floating above the rest of the world. Getting a little lonely. 

But I'm going to make it. Through thick and thin just like they say. I'm going to do it for each and every person. In hopes their on the other side, talking to me too. Or am I a fool? For talking to the moon.

Not the best beginning of a week...

Cracked my phone, late first day of work (this was the end of last week), student bails, kicked out of my Chinese class (for being over qualified) and can't find one that fits my schedule, and sleeping too late for my own good. Did I mention I really want a laptop? Well there. I've got my eye on one but it's price tag is a little steep. Might pick it up anyways just because it's such a necessity and I don't want to always have to come home after school. Should I spend my savings?? Not like a don't have a little in the sdb, not like I don't have a job... Hmm what to do?

*placing sentries.

You insensitive son of a bitch.
(May have just dissed two more people related to me than I should but fuck it.)