Really??

Maybe it's the way I am, or just how dramas have affected me but I confess that I have more of a dreamy, cheesey personality. My 'perfect', guy-wise at least, can be also described as a cheeseball. But does that really change things?

Is it not good enough to find somebody, admit it and attempt to settle. For once in a person's life, should they not  have the opportunity to ignore everything that gets in the way of them to have what they believe will make them happy? I mean that's why we all fall in the first place right? That's why we even go for it. It's probably just me but it seems like the farther I dream, the more hopeless it gets. And the ones who are more successful just don't work out. Okay. I do admit that there must be times where things may be hopeless. But I do also believe in that little extra shot of faith that can make everything work. I mean when you've got something golden in your hand, you don't drop it like it burns you're hand. You cherish it and nourish it until you can express yourself without anything in the way.

Regardless, I don't want to sound like a know-it-all whining about what I see. Because I'm not. I know nothing. I've felt close to nothing. I'm not afraid to admit that I may be jealous. Maybe in the back of my mind, there's a little part that believes  I could do better. Honestly, I just want a chance. But where ever I look, I feel like my back is against the wall. Where do you run if you're not even given the opportunity to go anywhere? I know I am quite biased. I'm standing on the sidelines watching through glasses tinted by romantic dramas but you're given things to take. If they were mine to take, I would want to choose to take them. However, half the time, I can't even tell the difference between things offered to me and my own made up fantasies.

I dunno what else to say. My 19 mins of megavideo restriction are up. ~sigh
Pce.

I'm sorry for not being good enough. That's what I'm sorry for. I really am.
To you, I can't do anything right. Everything I say is wrong. I fucked up bad and I don't know when and how. And I have no clue how to even get started on fixing it. It's like waking up, realizing that you're being buried alive. You to stunned to know what to do. Fuck it.

HCO3-+H3O+=H2CO3+H2O

I'm so close to the end I can taste it! In 5 hours and 27 minutes I will officially be FREE!!!! That is if I survive my Chem 12 provincial. D: I guess I don't have much to say besides I am frightened but estatic that by this afternoon I will be done with school....for now -.-. The contents of my brain have turned to mush from all the Keq's and redox reactions so I will type again later when I am home free and doing everything I couldn't do before ALL AT THE SAME TIME Sucka's ;D

I'm going nuts, I know.

xoxo

Just Chillin'

Since I made a second blog 5 posts ago, I realized that the two combined pretty made up the most of me only dividing me but optimist and pessimist...Now, I don't want people who come across (if any) this one to think I'm little miss Emo-doom-gloom becuase I'm not. It's just really nice to have a place to vent. But still, there's always gotta be some balance. Therefore, today's post is just going to be on a little high note because I am actually having a pretty good laid back night compared to the week I've just train wrecked through. Enjoy the light at the end of the tunnel! While it lasts. :)

Spending this lovely night catching up on some much missed TV. I know now is not the best time but me being the ultimate wasting-time-at-the-worst-possible-time expert, I thought I'd take the time to catch up on some English and Canto dramas. Unfortunately, megavideo has currently forced me to wait 72mins because of my over use. I didn't even get through very much :(

I got hooked onto another tvb drama after a long hiatus on my part. I watched the first couple of the brand new Raymond Lam drama but it got on my nerves a little bit so I didn't continue. Currently, I'm chasing a lawyer themed drama with Kevin Cheng. His character is a little sloppy and disrespectful as it seems but its Kevin, enough said. He never fails to throw something in my direction to capture my attention. English series wise, I decided that I wanted to watch till the end of Smallville. I have sort of always been a fan (although I do admit I skipped a couple seasons in the beginning. There are just too many episodes. lol) and its sad to see it end however necessary it may be. I still have quite a few episodes to keep me busy and happy so it's all good. To make things better, Clark and Lois have finally 'tied the knot' so things can only get better. Unless, they've decided to pull a cheesy lame ass ending or something where everyone dies and the world gets crushed.
Ohp! Videos back up =)

Pce out.

ok fine, I surrender

I was listening to a friend vent and freak out earlier thinking: wow it'd suck to be that stressed out right now.

Couple hours later, I'm in the same goddamn situation :(

I just wana say 'fuck it' and stop caring. But we're so frickin close to the end. How can it feel so far away at the same time? The closer it gets to the end, the more sressful it feels. So much stuff to do, know, deal with. I'm so fucking tired of it ALL. I cant take this bullshit anymore :(To make things that much worse, I have like digestion problems or something cuz my stomachs being a bitch, I have the equivalent of half a chem final tomorrow, i know next to nothing about it, and I just want to fucking sleep till August for that matter. My hairs still wet, my dads threatening to limit/ get rid of texting on my phone because his friend has perfect little straight A kids who skip prom to 'study', rarely touches a computer let alone facebook, and gives my dad every goddamn reason to critisize my actions. I dont know if you can even begin to understand the level of ''Fucked Up'' I feel I'm at right now. My spaz rampage doesn't even begin to cover it. If my stomach didnt feel like it was about to explode, I would have downed some Red before crashing. But I don't want to fricking fail, not that saying it helps anything. EVER. Uggghh. What the shit. Just pray that I can scrape my subconscious(? didnt learn shit in psych, or atleast none of it stuck. Lol) up tmr at 5or 6am to cram. Snowball in hell thats going to happen. :( But let's have a little hope shall we? Since all else seems lost already... Dammnit, I want my life back...no wait, i want someone elses life!! Nothing fancy, just something simple will be swell. Something other than this. D: god geebus.

xnlnxnlnx (hugs and fucking middle fingers)
-Zombie with its brains shot out