The Way to Wind Down at the End of the Week...?

Just sat through 2 hours on epic cowboy madness ending off with a giant what the fuck. No joke. I found the entire thing pretty amusing but the end just made me go "woah, I just sat through a whole lot of nothingness." Doesn't help that the "bad" is kinda captivatingly, sexily, attractive. You know, in that long hair, eyeliner, with a shotgun kinda way..? Anyways, screen caps for the win:
(Not if they don't show up....awkward. Will fix soon. )
The Good, The Bad, and The Weird

Sleepless nights

"Another sleepless night..."
Not staring at the ceiling though.
Guess this will be this blogs equivalent of my other blogs "On my mind". At that pint of the night where I have to decide whether tonight will be a late night or not. Minutes to 12 ticking away. Wish it was ticking away to like Christmas or New Years or something. My mind's thinking another half episode of Athena? Ughh up until two days ago I was doing so good eight the tv ban too. But cuz I wasn't able to cut out YouTube ( I mean that's like impossible. Like totally. ☝) I started another. Too curious and too done with studying. So tonight's my guilty pleasure night until hardcore studying tmr. Gah too many excuses. ( holy someone just came into my room. Didn't seem to notice me tapping away at my screen though. 😬😅)
Okay, blow through half an episode and then hit the sheets! ( That always comes to mind and then I take it back because it sounds borderline dirty, no? Lol oh well.)

*deploying care package🚁📦*

Why must sleep be such a necessity??

Fuckity f*ck (pardon me). Write off day number five billion no big deal. 3:55am and counting. Killlllling time. Some how stayed up ill 5 last night doing close to nothing after a brutal second exam and really good cake for Rach's birthday. Didn't do shaznatch today. Chem final's in 2. Piano teacher gets back, class in 3. Frack Koreans and their epic, jaw dropping,cliff hanging dramas. Ugh the only good looking guy isn't even important in this one. The girl is from the melodramatic (I suppose. If I knew what that meant...) drama B's catching that I picked up for one episode and then dropped cuz she was kinda ugly. But bad ass super spy cop action changes errthang. Grrrr if I didn't need to sleep, I could finish all eps by lunch. Fml need major intervention. Keke. Anywhozieohs, sleep in 30? Sounds about right. 😅

Now equipped: dual silenced pistols. 🔫🔫

All you need in life

Health
Love
Family & Friends

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” - Steve Jobs

Amen

Nov. 17, 2012

Is it wrong for me to be there? Beside her. Is it not recognizable that I could be worried sick too? I didn't take work off so that I could be stuck at home babysitting. Think I might drive myself crazy.

There's a time for everything. But I really really don't want it to be time for this. I got filled in this morning cuz I got up pretty late. I had vaguely heard dad leaving for the hospital in my sleep. Got to the ER around 2:30, 3ish maybe. Doc came around to have the talk. And it just hit. This may be it. 

And I know I can't think like that because mom already does out loud too but I can't help it you know? Everything has changed and they'll never ever be the same. And I really don't want to accept that. or whatever else. What it would do to the people around me is unthinkable. 

Dad called before they left and it sounded like there was a possibility she was waking up. What if I don't get to see her with her eyes open ever again? or hear her? God, what is wrong with me? ugh. I'd just fucking like to be there. 

But no. Chloe, she'll be fine. She'll make it through this one. She deserves it. Her kids and their kids deserve it. Don't worry. 

But that's the problem: I can't.

Who the hell are you??
You made me. Why don't you know a fucking thing about me? What gives you the right to say what you like about me? What gives you the right to think what you like about me?

I'd make a good zombie

Rough day, rough patch, rough life.

Mama, please get better.

G_ vi_g up.

Don't want to say it but I feel like my brain is just so done with midterms. Too bad my last one is chem. Ugh last one till next month ): It's like having your period. Geebs. There's just so much going on and so much to worry about. Wish there were 84 hrs in a day and more days in a week. But even then I'd prolly need more time. [ insert witty quote about savoring time here ]. But for now, good night.
General C, over and out.

Study/Life Music: Eminem - Not Afraid

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Hola if you feel that you’ve been down the same road

Yeah, It’s been a ride…
I guess i had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you’re trying to get out, just follow me
I’ll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay ‘em
But you won’t take the sting out these words before I say ‘em
Cause ain’t no way I’m let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say ‘em or do something I do it, I don’t give a damn
What you think, I’m doing this for me, so f-ck the world
Feed it beans, it’s gassed up, if a thing’s stopping me
I’mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balconyNo if ands or buts don’t try to ask him why or how can he
From Infinite down to the last Relapse album he’s still sh-t and
Whether he’s on salary, paid hourly
Until he bows out or he sh-t’s his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He’s married to the game, like a f-ck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the earth he’s got the urge
To pull his d-ck from the dirt and f-ck the whole Universe
[Chorus]
Ok quit playin’ with the scissors and sh-t, and cut the crap
I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it’s a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth
For that f-ck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you’re getting capped
And to the fans, I’ll never let you down again, I’m back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let’s be honest, that last Relapse CD was “ehhhh”
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain’t going back to that now
All I’m tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I ain’t playin’ around
There’s a game called circle and I don’t know how
I’m way too up to back down
But I think I’m still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn’t
This f-cking black cloud’s still follow’s me around
But it’s time to exercise these demons
These motherfu-kers are doing jumping jacks now!

[Chorus]
And I just can’t keep living this way
So starting today, I’m breaking out of this cage
I’m standing up, Imma face my demons
I’m manning up, Imma hold my ground
I’ve had enough, now I’m so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don’t even realise what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My World, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead
No more beef flingers, no more drama from now on, I promise
To focus solely on handling my responsibility’s as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it
You couldn’t lift a single shingle on it
Cause the way I feel, I’m strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I’m raising the bar, I shoot for the moon
But I’m too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and

[Chorus]
I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Holla if you feel that you’ve been down the same road

 ;P

Why do you have to be so damn defensive? I'm not trying to attack you. Calm your balls. It's not a friggin wrestling match. I don't understand why we can't have a decent conversation. Am I that irritable or something? Because according to you, someone else is always making excuses. What about you?? What makes you always right? I'd never want to say it out because I'm in denial myself but it times like these that really make me wish I made it out of here. It times like these where a part of me asks me what if I can't make it out? I really wish you were tolerable. Because you're supposed to be. Are my standards too high? I just want to understand. I want to live my life to the fullest. But how do I do that with people like you breaking down my neck??

Talking to the Moon

I know you're somewhere out there. Somewhere far away...
At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself talking to the moon. In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.

I miss you. And there are so many what ifs that factor where you and I would be right now unlike the present. But it makes me wonder you know. What would it be like if (1) (2) (3) were still right here, by my side ~relationship wise. 

(1) The better of the three. The better scenario. The better situation. But just not one that I like. Not something I really have say over.

(2) Burned bridges. That would be term wouldn't it? Unintentionally burned bridges. I guess the naive youngster took the better of me. And I don't know if I can make up for that now. Maybe I'm just scared. I really don't know. Doesn't stop me from feeling this way though.

(3) I really do hope that somewhere far far away, you can hear me. I hope that there is a possibility that you can see my intentions. That you're watching over me, Point me in the right way. Because if you can't, I don't know who can. I miss you. every tidbit that I do remember. 

I wonder how she does it. I wish I was as strong.

Why is my life like this? I feel like I'm stuck in the bottomless rut that high school threw me in. Is it just me and my high expectations? I'm stuck in a bubble floating above the rest of the world. Getting a little lonely. 

But I'm going to make it. Through thick and thin just like they say. I'm going to do it for each and every person. In hopes their on the other side, talking to me too. Or am I a fool? For talking to the moon.

Not the best beginning of a week...

Cracked my phone, late first day of work (this was the end of last week), student bails, kicked out of my Chinese class (for being over qualified) and can't find one that fits my schedule, and sleeping too late for my own good. Did I mention I really want a laptop? Well there. I've got my eye on one but it's price tag is a little steep. Might pick it up anyways just because it's such a necessity and I don't want to always have to come home after school. Should I spend my savings?? Not like a don't have a little in the sdb, not like I don't have a job... Hmm what to do?

*placing sentries.

You insensitive son of a bitch.
(May have just dissed two more people related to me than I should but fuck it.)

Dysfunctional doesn't even begin to describe...

Maybe I exaggerate or maybe I'm just venting excessively, but what kind of person can be such a troll?? Ok we're worried maybe for the first obviously real time to you at least, is it really necessary to put your snazzy attitude in the way? Like ok, we get it, your 100% selfless but it's like us giving a damn isnt good enough or something. It's like we've got the right to be worried out of our fucking wits. but is it really worth it to put this over health?? If your trying to send a message then send it. Don't kill yourself in the process. If you open your eyes, we care. We all care, it's not a fucking act. If you ever lived in Anyone else's shoes you'd know that people give a shit. At least half a shit. Idk what I want. Maybe it's recognition or some credit. Or maybe I just want you to see outside your little box. To live a little. Before you fuck yourself up, showing us up.
:(
*bullet to the heart*

Family

Over the past couple years, I have found that the idea of family has become quite important to me. Don't really know what triggered it but maybe between both 太婆's passing away and mama and 姑婆's trips to the hospital I've just felt the need to get closer with my relatives around me. The trip to hk two spring break's ago really opened my eyes to how little I knew of my dad's side of the family. It's difficult with big spread out families with ginourmous age gaps but it's also embarrassing not knowing how a 表哥is related to you.

Got to see a whole crowd of relatives I haven't seen in a good couple of years tonight at my Uncle's birthday. It was truly amazing and I felt like I spent the night soaking them in. Kids that I once could hold in my arms were running around like monkeys. Just seemed so surreal and I guess that's just me feeling old. lol. Putting together a little fam tree to see if I can put everyone down on 'paper'. So I can get my famjam straight I guess and not just know people as "somehow related to me".

*insert token now*
Chlo

Current Obsession

This guy. These songs. Have been the love of my life lately. The cause: City Hunter <3 

To make my day, I found the ringtones for these!! :D So psyched lol Now, time to study. Ta Ta!

+Stealth Mode+

Flashback

"Ow, you kicked my spleen!"
I don't understand how fazed I am by the fact that people change. Things change. Time passes and things are just not the same. There are so many road not taken moments that I wish I could Ctrl F5 and go back and  live those roads. Its so hard to look towards the unforeseeable  future road compared to the path we've just gone down. The exits we passed that we can't get back to. I would more than anything want to meet the Chloe who danced or the Chloe who played the clarinet. The Chloe who played baseball and basketball or the Chloe who continually ranked nationally playing racquetball until she got to worlds. The Chloe who got good grades, the one who didn't lie, steal, cheat, or drink. I mean of course there are a million what if's, but I am who I am now solely because I'm not who they are. And I don't know, but sometimes, a pare of me wishes I was one of them.

Thought I'd add some color and smiles...

By that I just mean camwhoring.........yeaah....

Hey there! How's it going?

Pretty darn good if you ask me.

I'm having myself some grapefruit!

Look what  I got on V-day.

For me!!

Too bad there's no boytoy. Sadly, I'm Winston. confusing I know!

Colorfulllll. but old chocolates.

xoxo +1 <3!

You have no right to bash us, everything we do, and what we've become. You made us. You taught us. If we fail it's because you didn't do a good enough job. If we have problems, it's because you didn't solve them in time for us. Yes, you've given us everything but that doesn't mean we have become clones of you. We aren't you. We will never be you. If you want what you want, you have to go get it. Isn't that what you taught us? If you have labelled us as failures then that's all we'll ever be to you. If you want us to improve you have to let us, believe us, and support us. If all we're ever going to be to you is a burden then yeah, go ahead, drop the baggage, live your life. We won't be able to change your mind anyways.

Since I'm here,

Might as well actually update.
School's been dragging on and so has life. We bore past Jan and survived. 4day weekend this past weekend really saved me. That and the mid week dbl Nos I bought last week. Kekek no joke, wouldn't have gotten anywhere without that. But that stuff is pretty lethal......yet addictive. Time to start a new week! D: Can't say I'm looking forward to that at all. Went skiing for the first time in forever yesterday. It was absolutely amazing and I had forgotten how breathtaking the view from up there was. This morning I felt as if a truck had run over my upper body. Odd, I know. Spent the day in even though it was gorgeous out. Really feeling the need to get my ass back in shape and to find a source of income. Found two posts that I will actually apply for and follow through with. Gotta pick up the slack now that I have recharged-ish. Gotta pull through. Oh, and I reallllllly need to fix my sleeping sched. QQ but first step is to aim to not be late tmr. Or fail le geo in that case.

Night. Kill count: 001

Encrypted notes: more for me than anybody.

Yoga:
Chopra Yoga (dt/waterfront granville)
Moksha Yoga (east van 15th and kingsway)

Jobs:
Yt Terrazza
PFood+

Bootcamp:
Y
Hillcrest

:D

Outta mags, time to reload and recharge.

if right is wrong and wrong is wrong, then what's right?

It's been 2 months...

Life is taken over. There's always that thought in the back of my mind. The voice that tells me that I can block the entire world out and do what's right, what's mature and good for me. But everything else in life kicks in. Full throttle. And it all spins out of control. 

Too much to explain. No time to go into detail. Maybe later. But for now, just like for my other blog, quotes.

"There will always be people in your life who hold you back, who cost you too much, and fail to see all you've done for them. But, of course, there just there to teach you that you do have the time, that you'll always be rich, and that your own high standards are all that matter. " quotebites.com

xoxo