G_ vi_g up.

Don't want to say it but I feel like my brain is just so done with midterms. Too bad my last one is chem. Ugh last one till next month ): It's like having your period. Geebs. There's just so much going on and so much to worry about. Wish there were 84 hrs in a day and more days in a week. But even then I'd prolly need more time. [ insert witty quote about savoring time here ]. But for now, good night.
General C, over and out.

Study/Life Music: Eminem - Not Afraid

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Hola if you feel that you’ve been down the same road

Yeah, It’s been a ride…
I guess i had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you’re trying to get out, just follow me
I’ll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay ‘em
But you won’t take the sting out these words before I say ‘em
Cause ain’t no way I’m let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say ‘em or do something I do it, I don’t give a damn
What you think, I’m doing this for me, so f-ck the world
Feed it beans, it’s gassed up, if a thing’s stopping me
I’mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balconyNo if ands or buts don’t try to ask him why or how can he
From Infinite down to the last Relapse album he’s still sh-t and
Whether he’s on salary, paid hourly
Until he bows out or he sh-t’s his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He’s married to the game, like a f-ck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the earth he’s got the urge
To pull his d-ck from the dirt and f-ck the whole Universe
[Chorus]
Ok quit playin’ with the scissors and sh-t, and cut the crap
I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it’s a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth
For that f-ck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you’re getting capped
And to the fans, I’ll never let you down again, I’m back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let’s be honest, that last Relapse CD was “ehhhh”
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain’t going back to that now
All I’m tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I ain’t playin’ around
There’s a game called circle and I don’t know how
I’m way too up to back down
But I think I’m still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn’t
This f-cking black cloud’s still follow’s me around
But it’s time to exercise these demons
These motherfu-kers are doing jumping jacks now!

[Chorus]
And I just can’t keep living this way
So starting today, I’m breaking out of this cage
I’m standing up, Imma face my demons
I’m manning up, Imma hold my ground
I’ve had enough, now I’m so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don’t even realise what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My World, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead
No more beef flingers, no more drama from now on, I promise
To focus solely on handling my responsibility’s as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it
You couldn’t lift a single shingle on it
Cause the way I feel, I’m strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I’m raising the bar, I shoot for the moon
But I’m too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and

[Chorus]
I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Holla if you feel that you’ve been down the same road

 ;P

Why do you have to be so damn defensive? I'm not trying to attack you. Calm your balls. It's not a friggin wrestling match. I don't understand why we can't have a decent conversation. Am I that irritable or something? Because according to you, someone else is always making excuses. What about you?? What makes you always right? I'd never want to say it out because I'm in denial myself but it times like these that really make me wish I made it out of here. It times like these where a part of me asks me what if I can't make it out? I really wish you were tolerable. Because you're supposed to be. Are my standards too high? I just want to understand. I want to live my life to the fullest. But how do I do that with people like you breaking down my neck??

Talking to the Moon

I know you're somewhere out there. Somewhere far away...
At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself talking to the moon. In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.

I miss you. And there are so many what ifs that factor where you and I would be right now unlike the present. But it makes me wonder you know. What would it be like if (1) (2) (3) were still right here, by my side ~relationship wise. 

(1) The better of the three. The better scenario. The better situation. But just not one that I like. Not something I really have say over.

(2) Burned bridges. That would be term wouldn't it? Unintentionally burned bridges. I guess the naive youngster took the better of me. And I don't know if I can make up for that now. Maybe I'm just scared. I really don't know. Doesn't stop me from feeling this way though.

(3) I really do hope that somewhere far far away, you can hear me. I hope that there is a possibility that you can see my intentions. That you're watching over me, Point me in the right way. Because if you can't, I don't know who can. I miss you. every tidbit that I do remember. 

I wonder how she does it. I wish I was as strong.

Why is my life like this? I feel like I'm stuck in the bottomless rut that high school threw me in. Is it just me and my high expectations? I'm stuck in a bubble floating above the rest of the world. Getting a little lonely. 

But I'm going to make it. Through thick and thin just like they say. I'm going to do it for each and every person. In hopes their on the other side, talking to me too. Or am I a fool? For talking to the moon.

Not the best beginning of a week...

Cracked my phone, late first day of work (this was the end of last week), student bails, kicked out of my Chinese class (for being over qualified) and can't find one that fits my schedule, and sleeping too late for my own good. Did I mention I really want a laptop? Well there. I've got my eye on one but it's price tag is a little steep. Might pick it up anyways just because it's such a necessity and I don't want to always have to come home after school. Should I spend my savings?? Not like a don't have a little in the sdb, not like I don't have a job... Hmm what to do?

*placing sentries.

You insensitive son of a bitch.
(May have just dissed two more people related to me than I should but fuck it.)

Dysfunctional doesn't even begin to describe...

Maybe I exaggerate or maybe I'm just venting excessively, but what kind of person can be such a troll?? Ok we're worried maybe for the first obviously real time to you at least, is it really necessary to put your snazzy attitude in the way? Like ok, we get it, your 100% selfless but it's like us giving a damn isnt good enough or something. It's like we've got the right to be worried out of our fucking wits. but is it really worth it to put this over health?? If your trying to send a message then send it. Don't kill yourself in the process. If you open your eyes, we care. We all care, it's not a fucking act. If you ever lived in Anyone else's shoes you'd know that people give a shit. At least half a shit. Idk what I want. Maybe it's recognition or some credit. Or maybe I just want you to see outside your little box. To live a little. Before you fuck yourself up, showing us up.
:(
*bullet to the heart*